From the inside... Out

Have you ever felt what being buried alive feels like? How about being buried inside your own mind? Burrowing hopelessly, until you're lost in a labyrinth of dissociation. Trapped running in circles, without distinguishing fantasy from reality, to be able to cope with the pain, the suffering and the memories, that become clearer every passing day.
Have you ever gone to hell and back? Gone to that place where all you can do is bare with the suffering? Did you endure it? Better yet, are you still suffering? Still stuck in eternal damnation? Trapped in boiling water as your skin slowly peels off? Suffering every waking moment until you begin lying to yourself that you're fine? Living in a hall of mirros tht distort your suffering until all that's left is a smile of who could've been?

Smiling, laughing, drinking, hallucinating, slowly descending into paranoia. You become colder, unhappier, but the 'mask' you use to hide your lie of happiness grows stronger and more believable. You become able to cope with the pain because your mind finds a way to repress it, you block it out, but sometimes it gets out, and you quickly descend back into depression, into a manic attacks, into anger fits. You slowly descend back into that weak little chld you know you really are. Fear itself consumes you, but not of the outside world, but of your own dissociative world inside your very own mind.

But that mask we've been talking about... it isn't perfect,. It has cracks, and the cracks let out your true emotions, something you are very afraid of. You can't handle them, you've been hurt, damaged, scarred in the most awful of ways, and you can't take it, you thought closing yourself down would actually stop the pain, instead of repressing it and letting it eat you from the inside out. All you can you is tape this mask shut. This... mask of sanity and happiness while your own demons tear you apart from the inside out.

Have you ever had a tapeworm? Consider this an emotional tapeworm, feeding from your misfortune, your pain. You suffer and it grows. You become weaker and weaker and colder and colder, and be careful, because when your mask finally breaks, you'll be a mediocre unidimmensional shade of what you used to be, swimming around in your misery and hypocrisy, swimming around in your pile of shit, forever alone in your self proclaimed sea of disgrace and mediocrity.

You're your own hell, your own tapeworm, your own mask. You create it, and it's easy tu succumb to it, but it's a hell of a lot harder to fight it. You create your own abyss, and when you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you, and it sees who you really are.